2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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