i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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