I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize