even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize