i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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