come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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