My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize