me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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