Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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