i just had sex bonerless
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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