My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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