normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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