there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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