Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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