I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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