I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize