party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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