I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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