this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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