My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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