This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize