What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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