When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
please come you make the beer taste better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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