I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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