planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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