Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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