Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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