Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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