he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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