woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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