phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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