So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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