genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize