I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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