just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to fling myself into the sun
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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