And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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