Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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