How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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