There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize