wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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