It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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