I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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