in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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