So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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