aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize