You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize