New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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