No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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