Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize