We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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